But I do know what it feels like to hold so much pain that living another day felt impossible.
I remember this pain as if it were yesterday.
The real fear of being admitted into a psychiatric unit.
The deep belief that my children were better off without me.
Hopelessly wondering if anything would change.
Trying to hold it together.
And the invasive thoughts that said, maybe leaving was my best option.
And 26 years since I was first admitted to a psychiatric unit.
This book shares the full story.
What helped.
What didn’t.
The raw, unfiltered moments no one talks about and what I did to heal on my own timeline, in my own way.
It’s not just about suicide, it’s about the grief beneath it.
And how brutally complex it is to navigate loss, love, and life after everything changes.
As a long-time family doctor, I have borne witness to oh-so-many patients with severe depression and suicidal thoughts. Convincing these folks that there is HOPE and there is a PATH back to joy has been one of the greatest challenges of my career. In the past, I felt I had to do it alone-just like my patients.
Enter Jennifer Tracy. In “From the Deepest Darkness to The Light of Hope” Jennifer has laid bare the very essence of the pain those with severe depression and suicidal thoughts face. For those of us who haven’t been deeply depressed, it’s eye-opening and mind-blowing. For those in the grasp of depression, her words read like an outstretched hand that says “Walk with me. You are not alone. I’ve walked this path and lived to tell the tale and you can too.” Thus, I unreservedly recommend From the Deepest Darkness to The Light of Hope! It’s a great read for anyone touched by suicide or deep depression. (And really, isn’t that everyone?) It should be required reading for all medical residents during the psychiatry rotation. The more who read it the more lives will be saved! –Dr. Anthony A. Doft, MD | Windsor, CO | Family Medicine Doctor
In 2001, I came home from a psychiatric unit.
In 2004, I buried my husband and my daughter.
Fast forward to the pandemic. During the pandemic, I lost:
— My 94-year-old grandma
— My father-in-law
— And my brother, SSG Moore, to suicide.
All of it… with no funerals. No goodbyes. No gathering of family.
It’s not just my own life where I’ve faced off with suicide.
Inside, you won’t find all the answers…
But you will find hope.
You will feel less alone.
You will hear from someone who gets it.
The entire book feels more like a conversation with a friend. She might as well have been sitting at my table, having coffee with me. The book is not clinical or technical or cold. It’s her truths, her feelings, her hard-fought battle, and her support. Having lost my own daughter at an early age, I am familiar with the trauma of loss. I know that you never fully heal and that pain will always remain. But you can learn to live again. You can move forward and find purpose again. Jennifer will help you do that. If you or someone you know is struggling with or has ever struggled with depression, PTSD, suicidal ideation, or other mental health concerns, PLEASE read this book! Even if you’re simply seeking to further understand some of these concerns, this is a great place to start. Let Jennifer Tracy help you find your light!
Amanda Knight
Suffering is inevitable. We live in a world of brokenness, disease, free will, and loss. But suffering in silence? That’s a choice. And you don’t have to make that choice anymore.
“I wish that this book would have been available before my wife took her life nearly 11 years ago. Jennifer has so much to offer with her insights and experiences as she was in that bottomless pit and crying out for hope. If I would have had Jennifer’s book, maybe I would seen the symptoms of my wife crying out for help. She did not want me or her loved ones to know of her depression or suicidal thoughts. Thank you Jennifer for the courage to write your personal testimony in order to help so many people with similar pain.”
Bill Honeycutt
Such a well-written book. Not only a story of survival and triumph but a book that will help guide you through your own path as well. Jennifer Tracy speaks her truth in this book. It is an experiential workbook that will help many people. Not only those struggling with grief, depression, and thoughts of suicide but for all of us. Jennifer's heart is in this book and her mission is to see that it will give others hope. In my opinion, she attained that in this book. I highly recommend "From the Deepest Darkness to The Light of Hope."
Robyn Spirtas/ Ph.D. LMFC
As a U.S. Veteran and career firefighter, I’ve been around friends and colleagues who have struggled with different “demons”, even lost some…I myself struggled with diagnosed PTSD from issues relating to the job. I met Jennifer Tracy on LinkedIn and was impressed with the work she was doing for the “badge.” She calls herself a civilian, but to me… she’s as much a badge as anyone I have ever met. I thought I knew Jennifer Tracy well until I read her book and really just took in her story. I know tragedy, I’ve seen many of its faces, but Jennifer is just one of those rare people that took on more than any one person’s share of grief…of pain and said no you won’t beat me. I encourage everyone to read her story if anything to appreciate what you have. If you are one of those people that are struggling or have struggled out there, and there are many of us these days…then this should be required reading.
Steven Straight, President/CCAI
Having experienced “the fury” of depression and suicidal ideation, this book helped me find the words to describe some of what was going on in my head...Jennifer does a great job of balancing hope with the gritty reality of what she faced, and she helps you start to see your own story with some of that.
Andrea Bowen, US Veteran
This book is a must-read for anyone who has ever struggled with depression and/or suicidal thoughts, or anyone who has a loved one with those issues who needs help and guidance. I know Jennifer personally, and her mission in life is to help people on their journey through the darkness so that they can engage in the light again. I think this book should be in every school library in the country. This is a very powerful book written by a brave and strong woman. Thank you for sharing your story, Jennifer."
Denise Shuetter/Loving Mother
I’m blown away by Jennifer’s life and story. Her compassion for others shines through in this book. As you read the accounts of her pain you feel it through the pages. I appreciate how she doesn’t sugarcoat the darkness and even shares her own failure. Thank you Jennifer for having the courage to write this!
Renee Berent
This book is a game-changer. Just when you think Jennifer is going to play the victim card, she pulls out forgiveness and says “I had practice at forgiving those who didn’t deserve forgiveness… and that included me!” So powerful Jennifer, thank you for having the courage to put it all out there.
Tyra Dixon
What an emotional, and inspiring journey through traumatic events, and personal healing. For those of us who deal with a PTSI, this book brings clarity and “peace of mind” that we are not alone; that it’s okay to FEEL emotion, not to suppress it.
I’m in love with the TRUTH that the author poured into these pages! Thank you to Jennifer for including the reader in each Chapter review- it was a clever “tool” in having the reader assess their own journey through this life. Everyone needs to check their “dashboard lights” often...a MUST read!Kimberly Tent/ Author/ Retired Police Constable
Sacred In Every Season™ | © All Rights Reserved 2015-25
Jennifer Tracy-Inspire, LLC
Gentle Request – This is a private audiobook made easy to access on your favorite podcast app, but it is not intended for public sharing.
Please don’t forward the link. If someone comes to mind, invite them to sign up, just like you did. Thank you for honoring the sacredness of this space.